You do not make yourself wrong for having big feelings. You make yourself safe while you have them.
That is adult leadership.
Cultivating a Strong Body, Mind & Soul
We often reach for control because the feeling of having none is terrifying. The nervous system equates lack of control with danger. But control over others, outcomes, or events is an illusion. Regulation begins when we redirect energy toward what is actually within our control.
Love becomes dys-regulating when it is organized around threat prevention rather than connection. Surrender shifts the organizing principle from control to trust. This allows the nervous system to experience closeness without mobilizing to protect.